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Pain and nothing to gain does not go well . I have been sick with no answers while they move on with their lives and i should just live , live like i feel nothing . I love the feeling of love ,happiness and joy ,I don’t mind being immune to that , but i am also immune to my agony of this pain that wont go away . I wake ,I pray and nothing ,its as if i was born to feel like this . I cry , I sleep , I hurt but it has become apart of me sometimes I accept it and they are days when it gets so bad I wished it would just dissolve somewhere. Is this my new normal? not to feel normal….. I am sick in my stomach ,in my veins,in my pelvic. There are days when my stomach expand and there are movements within my gut,my inside has failed me leaking and bleeding twice.I feel no support,I travel this road alone .God you see my cries,don’t you hear me when i pray? Is it not yet my time?how longer should I wait ? Well pain must be my new friend , I should now invite in my home …….
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I’ve got thick skin thin paste , light as the evening sun and dark as the moon when it rises . the pavement of my pores excluded air,just to invite this undesired feeling of green dark pieces of warm tea on a wall . Nothing seems real anymore , when I have day dream of a face who no longer walk this land in my path ….. I keep falling ,these tricks you play , my feelings grew light and my hands grew cold,so did this heart , just when you come around ,making me believe your still around . Oh I have loved you,oh i wished you would leave me to forget what your face looked like yesterday …..day 7102 not long ago when u were in my dreams , will you keep appearing to me ?…….